(Part 1 in a series)
By the time of my fifth and final colonoscopy appointment I knew already. I absolutely knew and I’m pretty intuitive.
But prior to that I had stubbornly refused to do a colonoscopy for years. The doctors would set it up, be very stern with me and I would cancel. It got to the point they didn’t want to set up the appointment for me but they continued. One time I went so far as to meet the Gastroenterologist Doctor and still canceled.
What was wrong with me besides being stubborn as hell? For several years I was absolutely sure I didn’t have anything wrong with my colon. I have lived a very healthy life for the most part and every time I visualized I was ok it worked. In fact, if I was ever supposed to be sick and perhaps dead it was during my single years when I was promiscuous. But I felt invincible like those idiot teens driving 100 miles an hour down the highway sure they will always be ok. Eventually, I felt like I would live to be a very old age before I would get sick and die.
And then, well I felt what many do. I just could not get over the idea of someone putting something up my ass. And a camera at that. Besides, other than my mothers breast cancer that never returned after a lumpectomy, there was no cancer in my family. So doing this colonoscopy was just one of those things they made you do just because you turned a certain age. I was fine.
I filled the prescriptions every time for the colonoscopy prep to drink the night before. But the day before I would cancel. I canceled 4 times over the course of 3 years. The doctors even sent me home with various ways to take a sample of my movement and mail it in. I never did this simple procedure either. At some point during these years, while I was sure I was fine, something else terrible was happening.
In late 2018 I told my husband I would not do the colonoscopy that year because of insurance and wait until the new year. So I canceled the fourth appointment and rebooked it for January 9, 2019. Now this Gastroenterologist Doctor didn’t even meet with you he did so many colonoscopies in a day. Instead his nurses called, sent you a long application form to fill out and return, told you how to prepare and sent in the prescription of cherry flavored junk to drink. While most dislike him, this was my kind of Doctor. Just get the thing done. No muss, no fuss. Besides, if I canceled this time I was canceling to an entire hospital and their surgical staff.
Besides, I was finally ready to admit to myself something might actually be wrong. I’ve had a hemorrhoid since my son was born decades ago. Every now and then it bled. But just occasionally. By late 2018 I realized I was bleeding and sometimes heavily, every time I had a bowel movement. Then a few days would pass with no blood so I would relax. Then a lot of blood again. But it wasn’t until the fatigue set in. I was so tired all the time. It could be that I needed to get back to my Zumba routine and get back in shape. But I was too tired to even try. But the one thing that scared me into showing up for this final colonoscopy appointment was I lost 10 pounds very quickly. That scared me. Because I’ve been heavy all my life and losing weight is a constant battle.
So the night before I drank all the gross cherry flavored liquid preps. I hear from everyone who has ever done a colonoscopy that drinking the liquids is the worst part. But I don’t agree. I think sticking the IV in me and having it take 3 different nurses to finally get it done, was the worst part. They made a mess of my veins that morning. My hand hurt for days. On the other hand I forgot about my colonoscopy during that time.
Then I was given something intravenously and started to relax quite a bit. Easy peasy. I was rolled into the room for the procedure and finally met the colonoscopy doctor. He was sitting and reading my written information I had sent in a few days earlier. He noted my meds and asked me about what I had eaten (nothing and I was ready for an In and Out burger as soon as this was over) and were my bowel movements clear now. (they were.) The night before while drinking the coffee syrupy cherry concoction, you have a deep cleansing of your bowels. But it was never like you were going to miss the bathroom. You felt the urge every hour or so and you just go. It was simple and I didn’t understand why I never gone ahead with this before.
Just before I was put completely under, I admitted out loud for the first time to my Doctor, whose face I could not see behind his surgical mask, what my instinct was telling me. That I was pretty sure he was going to find Cancer and told him why. He told me if he found any he would be waiting for me to wake up and let me know immediately. I didn’t find that particularly reassuring but ok.
There is too much mystery surrounding a colonoscopy and I’m here to tell you it’s completely unwarranted. By the time I was in the room I was so relaxed. They had me turn onto my left side. Then sometime, at some point, the anesthesiologist had been told I was planning a trip to Europe and he asked me “where are you going” and by the time I said “London and Tusc…” I was out.
I don’t remember anything else. The 30 minutes it takes for a Colonoscopy was over and I was being gently awakened by a nurse. My husband was sitting there too. As I began to grasp my surroundings and remember what I was doing in the hospital the GI Doctor stuck his head around the curtain and said matter of factly, and I’ll never forget it,
“Denise we did find cancer. It’s 5 centimeters. We’re taking you for a cat scan now.”
And then I began to cry.
(to be continued)
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